go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just pee around me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
