Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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