Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Still dying that you shit outside
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
