in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
