Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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