She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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