I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
