so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
