No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
