Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
