life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
