He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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