u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
