He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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