wanna go halves on a baby?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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