I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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