I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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