Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
