His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
