I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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