The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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