All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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