Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Randomize
