When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
