A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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