Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
