you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Terrible idea I love it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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