i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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