guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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