Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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