Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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