He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
