An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
