Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
