My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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