11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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