She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
