At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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