I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
