I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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