I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
