I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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