oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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