He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just blew my weed a kiss
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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