Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
