the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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