Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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