Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
