I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
