Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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