Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
