Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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