Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
