It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
