rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
